Well....

1. This was not really planned....we are happy to have the new baby (gonna be a girl this time)....but, not really planned.

2. 9 months ago, we did not know that we would not get *some* assistance....

3. 9 months ago, we thought my wife would get disability, but that changed about a month ago

4. even if we knew back then that the state would not assist us, we would still have the child. I do not believe that abortion is right....and I would not do that.

Stute, my point is this....yes, the responsibility is ours to take care of our children.....I have no problem with that, really....OTHER than, I see ppl EVERY day abusing the system. I see my brother in law refusing to work, but getting 600+ dollars in cash assistance, 500+ dollars a month in food stamps....and they only have 2 kids. My point is this....why reward those who refuse to work, while refusing to help those that do?

Once my wife gets back to work, we will be fine....it is the 1 1/2 months or so that she is not able to work that is hurting us at the moment.

We tried to "prepare" for this...but a couple months ago, we had to use daycare, and we were stretched very thin, and it put us behind. We dropped the daycare, I changed my hours to 2nd shift (a shift I abhor), and we climbed our way back out of the pit we were in....WITHOUT ANY ASSISTANCE....I was just hoping we could get a little bit of help while my wife is not able to work due to doctor's orders....

Of course it is our responsibility....but isn't it also Jimmy's (my brother in law) responsibility to get off his lazy ass and get a job, instead of living on welfare?

That is my issue here....I guess not so much that *I* am not getting the help, but that ppl that really don't deserve it are getting all the help in the world...and the politicians just sit around and do absolutely nothing about it, but rather, focus on keeping them on welfare to keep themselves in office.

I am not sure what you are really asking me, though....are you asking me if we would have an abortion? Because, this hardship is only temporary (while she is not able to work).....

Besides, I am taking 3 weeks off once the baby is born. I have 4 weeks of sick pay I can use, so I am going to use 3 of them to spend time with my wife, 2 boys, and my new baby girl....

I'm sorry, Mino. I didn't mean to give the impression that my questions had some hidden meaning.

Thank you for answering them straightforwardly.

I am not asking you if you would have an abortion.

I am asking, if you had known then what you know now, would you have done anything differently to avoid this situation? Taken extra care to not get pregnant again, for example? Or gotten pregnant anyway, but made extra preparations for the upcoming expenses and loss of income?

My wife and I have discussed having children many times. We have decided not to have children right now, because we are pretty sure that we couldn't afford to care for a child properly in our current financial situation.

But, as TW likes to remind me, there's a lot of things I don't understand because they're outside of my personal experience. I was hoping you would be able to help me understand a little better the other side of the coin.

the problems we are having, I don't think, are just having kids....we both make enough "together" to care for our kids....they have a nice home, they have good clothes, they have heat, food, water....we have vehicles to take them where they need to go....we have what we need....and what we want to an extent....

the problems we are having are from the temporary immediate situation of her not being able to work right now. Once she is back to work, we will be fine....it is just RIGHT NOW, we are having trouble, due to her not being able to work.

As far as having kids, and being prepared....I don't feel that you can ever be totally prepared for expenses with kids....unless you were a multimillionare or whatever....and I love my kids wtih a love that goes beyond what I want....I want my kids to have a good life....

When my wife became pregnant...we were not "trying" (other than doing what causes it, and we think we might know what that is by now.... ). We were using birth control....and, even, she tried to get the doctor to "tie her tubes" when we had our last child more than 3 years ago....but the doctor refused for some reason....

I think it is much harder raising kids, using the proper punishment, training them, and so on, than it is to give them the financial support. With the finances, I just go to work....with the rest of parenting....I have to go "into myself" for the solution...and that is the hard part...."Am I being too strict....not strict enough...." Those are the questions I struggle with more than anything....

Just right now, our money is much more than tight due to only me being able to work...

As far as when you should have kids.....when you feel you can take care of them emotionally, spiritually, AND financially.....I just know you will not trully know what it personally means to be a father (or a mother) until you hold your little baby boy or girl in your arms and look him or her in the face....or while he sleeps in your arms....or while he kisses his fist and punches you in the face while wrestling on the living room floor with him....



Chris

Thanks again for your straightforward and sincere answers, Mino.

You've given me a lot to think about.

I wish I had some good advice for you. My wife and I are dealing with a similar situation. She is 4 months pregnant with Triplets. She has been off work for almost two months now. We are just finally getting all of her disability paperwork filed.

She will receive 60% of her salary. Sounds great, right? Not really. By filing for disability she has enacted the Family Medical Leave Act. This provides for 12 weeks off from work to be sick or take care of someone who is. She has a short and long term disability plan. The Short covers the first 12 weeks and then the long term should kick in. It won’t.

At the end of the FMLA time the company will terminate her. She will no longer be eligible for benefits. We will have to put her on Cobra and not have any of her income. (I'll add her to my insurance before the babies are born but we need the coverage from her policy)

I am behind the 8 ball right this moment. I just have to get by a couple of more months and all of my plans will come through but we didn't count on her being sent home as early as she was.

It sucks to be in a situation where you could use a helping hand and our system of government only allows for handouts.

Sounds like you already know it but, it’s only money.

She is 4 months pregnant with Triplets.

How are things coming along? I hope well. Best of luck in that regard. For you and Mythical Mino. I was there 24 years ago (told you I was old!)

p.s. Not Multiple births, just baby and reduced income.

Here is an update....

Azaria Rose Beller was born 9-12-06, at 7:51 pm. She weighs 6 lbs 13 oz, and is 19" long. She has been giving her Mom birth pains for about 2 weeks before she finally decided she was ready to enter the world.

Her mother is doing good....4 pushes, and she was out and crying....no tears, no stitches needed....

Here is a little poem I just wrote....


There’s More Than I Can Say

- dedicated and written for my baby girl, Azaria Rose Beller

You were born on September twelve
I held you close to my heart as my pride began to swell
I couldn’t help but smile when I heard you cry
Untold thoughts of love, when I looked into your eyes

Here am I
Much more than I could say
My heart skips a beat
Whenever I say your name
Azaria
My daughter, my little girl
My angel of my life
There’s so much more than I can say
When I look into your eyes

How can I…how can I be your Dad
How could I help create something beautiful like that
But there you are wrapped up in my arms so tight
Untold thoughts of love, when I look into your eyes

Here am I
Much more than I could say
My heart skips a beat
Whenever I say your name
Azaria
My daughter, my little girl
My angel of my life
There’s so much more than I can say
When I look into your eyes

Azaria
My daughter, my little girl
My precious little one
There’s more than I can say
And it is called….love….

Azaria Rose Beller was born 9-12-06, at 7:51 pm. She weighs 6 lbs 13 oz, and is 19" long

Congrats!